Demiboy: What Does It Mean?
Such people do not feel masculine enough to justify an absolute self-identification as men. In other words, the terms demiboy and demiguy aim at creating a space for an individual to feel connected with the masculine to the degree they are comfortable with.
If one self-identifies as demiboy, their identity is tied to the male gender to some extent. Individuals assigned male at birth who feel partly associated with that identification can describe themselves as demiboys. But people assigned females at birth who are transmasculine and do not fully identify as male but perceive themselves more strongly as male rather than a female can be demiboys as well.
Demiboy individuals may also feel like they partially belong to some other gender identities outside the gender binary at the same time, for example, agender, aporagender, or xenogender.
As for gender presentation, there is no one standard way for demiboys to express themselves. Yet, normally, people of this gender identity look masculine and have some purely manly features (like beard, short haircut, or even a bald head); they usually do not wear any feminine clothing. Some demiboys may experience physical discomfort and/or gender dysphoria due to gender identity differing from their sex assigned at birth.
The essentials and some history
In 2010, the user Bad Patient of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) website wrote in a post that they have too much of the masculine in them to call themselves agender, so he had a nice idea to call themselves a demiguy/demiboy/demidude/demibloke. That user went on to say he wasn't completely serious. In any case, this was, most likely, the first recorded usage of the word demiguy and other similar terms. The term "demiguy" was included in the Gender Definitions Masterlist on the AVEN website in December 2010.
By the end of 2011, the author of the Genderqueerid blog added the term "demiguy" to the Genderqueer Identities & Terminology list on the website. According to a survey conducted on the blog that year that aimed to discover how different genderqueer people self-identified, nine respondents described themselves as demiboy.
Flag and symbol
There are several demiboy flags. The most popular one was created by the user transrants in 2015:
It consists of seven horizontal stripes of equal width. Their colors, from top to bottom, are: dark gray, gray, light blue, white, light blue, gray, dark gray. The shades of gray stand for a partial sense of masculinity. The light blue represents the masculine. The white color symbolizes non-binary gender.
An alternate demiboy flag by Asdreemurr844:
An alternate demiboy flag by Noaahhh:
Other alternate demiboy flags:
The demiboy symbol, created by a group of non-binary Brazilian individuals in 2014, resembles the symbol traditionally used to represent men, but there’s only half of the arrowhead:
Demiboy and sexual orientation
Gender identity is the way an individual perceives and describes their gender, while sexual orientation is about who they are sexually/emotionally/romantically attracted to.
Demiboys, just like people who belong to other binary or non-binary gender identities, can be sexually attracted to people of their gender, other genders, or not attracted to anyone at all (asexual).
What pronouns should be used when talking to a demiboy?
Some demiboys prefer they/them/theirs set of pronouns that are widely used by non-binary people. Some others may ask you to use neopronouns like ey/em/eir, ze/zem/zir, ve/vis/vir, ne/nem/nir. Some demiboy individuals can even use he/him/his set of pronouns since they partially identify as males.
It’s important to listen to what pronouns your demiboy friends use and/or ask them directly what their preferred set of pronouns is. By using the right pronouns, you are showing your deep respect to your demiboy interlocutor.
Coming out as demiboy
Coming out is a unique experience for each demiboy. And there is no one-size-fits-all solution to how to do it the "right" way.
First of all, one should come out to themselves. This step might seem small, but accepting oneself is by far the hardest and most important one. Next, every demiboy person who self-identified as such needs to understand that only they decide if and when to come out to others. Of course, if/when you decide to start living honestly and openly, without hiding your gender identity, you will feel like a heavy burden lifts off your shoulders. But realize you don’t have to do it.
However, if you have made up your mind to come out to people around you, here are some tips on how to do it successfully:
- Make sure you feel safe; in case you have any doubts or questions, reach out to a counselor by calling a hotline that helps LGBTQIA+ people in crisis;
- Come out to one person first - be it a friend, sibling, or parent you fully trust;
- Before coming out to the rest of the world, as silly as this coming out tip might seem, - practice your coming out speech in the mirror;
- Go at it with a positive attitude, be confident, and do not listen to anyone who reacts tries to tell you there is something wrong with you - remember that you are amazing!
What is the best way to support my demiboy coworkers, friends, relatives?
However, many demiboys still face prejudice, bullying, and discrimination. Some of them are denied basic human rights like health care, employment, social support. It is simply saddening. But you can do your part to change this. Even small things can mean a whole lot, so if you are an LGBTQIA+ supporter it means you too are fighting for a gender-equal world!
Here are some tips for you on how you show your support to your demiboy coworkers, family, or friends:
- Be a good listener, don't judge, tell them their gender identity is valid;
- Advocate for awareness of all gender identities, including demiboy, to help make the world more accepting of the people who are outside the gender binary;
- Be a real ally - go to LGBTQIA+ events that matter the most to your friend and show your support by wearing a bracelet or sticker with a demiboy flag;
- Help solve issues demiboys face by donating a small amount to one of the LGBTQIA+ rights organizations.