Asexuality: the basics
Asexuality is a sexual orientation; according to some people though, it is an absence of sexual orientation.
Asexual (often shortened to "ace") is also used as an umbrella term for some asexual sub-identities, such as gray-asexual, demisexual, queerplatonic, etc.
Some people who claim they can be sexually attracted to others but have little or no desire for sexual activity also perceive themselves as asexual.
Asexual people can have any gender identity - cisgender, transgender, intersex, non-binary, and so on..
Being asexual does not necessarily mean that an individual cannot be emotionally and/or romantically attracted to others. Asexual individuals who are able to experience romantic attraction towards other people can be homoromantic, heteroromantic, biromantic, or panromantic.
Asexual people who never experience romantic attraction towards anyone are aromantic. Some asexual individuals having a romantic partner have sex with them for their benefit; others do not.
Asexual pride flag
It consists of four horizontal stripes of equal width. The colors, from top to bottom, are the following: black, gray, white, purple. The black color stands for asexuality as a whole; the gray color symbolizes sexual orientations in the "gray zone" (between full sexuality and asexuality) - gray-asexuality and demisexuality. The white color represents allosexuality (the ability to feel sexual attraction), and purple, the asexual community.
History of asexuality
Asexuality originated as a concept in the late 19th century. In his 1896 pamphlet Sappho und Sokrates ("Sappho and Socrates"), a German sexologist and advocate for the rights of sexual minorities, Magnus Hirschfeld had the following to say about asexuality: "There are people who have no sexual desire". He called this phenomenon “Anästhesia sexualis” ("sexual anesthesia").
For decades, “ace erasure" had been taking place, meaning asexuality had been ignored and denied.
The modern understanding of asexuality got consolidated in the 20th century, especially after its inclusion in the 1940s sexual orientation rating scale by Alfred Kinsey (also referred to as the Kinsey scale). In this scale, the category "X" means having no socio-sexual contacts or reactions.
In the 1970s, psychologists further studied the distinction between a lack of sexual behavior and the absence of sexual desire/attraction. In 1972, The Asexual Manifesto by Lisa Orlando was published by the New York Radical Feminists. In 1974, singer David Bowie discussed asexuality in his interview with Rolling Stone magazine.
The terms "asexuality" and "asexual" slowly gained prominence and popularity in the following decades.
In 2001, David Jay, an American asexual activist, and the USA's most famous asexual individual launched the AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network). It became the most important platform for the asexual community that has been doing its best to change mainstream beliefs about sexual desire and attraction for two decades now. In 2002, New York passed the Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act, which was the first - and is still the only - law that mentions asexuality.
In the 2010s-2020s, several holidays were created to raise asexual visibility:
- Ace Week, founded in 2010, is held every year on the last week in October; its purpose is to build the asexual community and raise awareness worldwide.
- On April 6, 2021, the first International Asexuality Day was celebrated. The holiday intends to put emphasis on the international asexual community.
So, despite all ace erasure and acephobia that lasted for centuries, asexual voices have been finally getting louder.
Myths about asexuality debunked
Myth #1: Asexuality occurs after a sexual assault or a similar traumatic experience.
Of course, some asexual individuals may have been sexually abused, just like people of any other sexual orientation. But it is wrong to assume that most people's asexuality is due to a negative experience.
Myth #2: Asexuality is a synonym of celibacy or abstinence.
Traditionally, celibacy has meant choosing not to get married. Abstinence has a similar meaning - it is the decision not to have sex with anyone for religious, cultural, psychological, or other reasons.
As for asexuality, it is not a choice but a sexual orientation.
Myth #3: It is temporary, they just haven’t found "the one" yet.
As we mentioned above, some asexual people can be romantically attracted to others. But even when an asexual individual finds the right person to have a romantic relationship with, they can be giving and affectionate, but there won’t be anything sexual about this relationship. Because sex is just something ace people are not interested in.
Myth #4: Asexuality is very rare; there are barely any asexual people.
According to the AVEN website, asexual individuals make up about 1% of the population of the Earth. While that does not sound like a huge number, it is tens of millions of people!
Importance of coming out
If you realized you are an ace and are considering coming out, here are some tips that will help you on this journey:
- When you are ready, decide who to tell, when, and how - if you have a trusted friend or therapist, these are probably the safest people to come out to first; then, eventually, you can tell everybody else;
- Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst - from people simply not believing you to telling you that you have some mental disorder;
- It is okay to ask for more support - by reaching out to an ace-affirming therapist or simply calling an LGBTQIA+ hotline.
Helping your friends and family understand asexuality
Asexuality is complex, and there is always more to educate oneself on the subject. If you are planning to come out (or already have) to your loved ones, friends, and family as an asexual, you definitely understand how important it is to learn about it.
Luckily, today there are many resources - from the AVEN website to Tumblr blogs and books - that can help your family and friends better understand asexuality. If you direct your loved ones to these websites, blogs, and books, it will be their first step to becoming good ace allies. Because thanks to these resources, it is easy to find information on the identities that fall under the asexual umbrella, tips on how to support asexual friends and relatives, and even do some shopping in ace clothing online shops. The latter is a way to show that a person supports the ace movement, helping make our society more ace-welcoming and inclusive.