What is autosexuality?
Some autosexual individuals can feel sexual attraction to others, but this attraction is never intense. But most of them find it hard to respond to other people sexually while they respond very well to their reflection in the mirror and touch.
Some people confuse autosexuality with autoeroticism. However, these two terms are not exactly synonyms. Autoeroticism is the act of masturbation (stimulating one’s genitals for pleasure). But while non-autosexual individuals usually think and daydream about their partner, celebrities, etc., when masturbating, autosexual people engage in this activity thinking about themselves. According to some experts, all humans are autosexuals to some degree.
A growing number of autosexual people come to a realization of their sexual orientation after a failed relationship. They may see this relationship with themselves as the answer to love.
Autosexual flag
There are several versions of the autosexual flag. The most popular one has two horizontal stripes of equal width; their colors are blue and gray. The date of its creation and the meaning are unknown.
There is also a version of this flag that features a heart on that bicolor background as a symbol of attraction to oneself:
History of autosexuality
Beyond any doubt, autosexuality has existed for about as long as humans have been around. However, this phenomenon had been unspoken for a long time. Besides, for some reason, sex scientists have struggled to define this term, and there are not much data or research into this sexual identity as yet.
The term autosexuality is thought to have been coined by the Ph.D. graduate in clinical psychology and sex therapist Bernard Apfelbaum. He mentioned it in his 1980 book Principles and Practice of Sex Therapy and 1989 paper Retarded ejaculation: A much-misunderstood syndrome. Apfelbaum used this term to refer to individuals having trouble getting turned on by other individuals.
Since the late 1990s, the terms autosexual and autosexuality began being used online in the meaning we are familiar with today (greater arousal from stimulation by oneself than from others or images of oneself, including daydreaming, fantasies, and reflection of oneself in mirrors).
In the late 2010s, many popular publications started widely discussing the topic of autosexuality. For example, in 2017, a writer from the USA Ghia Vitale published an article on Medium where she claimed her sexual and romantic orientations were autosexual and autoromantic, respectively.
She said she is experiencing a relationship with herself and prefers it over other relationships in her life. The writer recalls that her earliest memories of looking at herself in the mirror and feeling attraction to herself happened when she was seven. She learned the term "autosexual" only after graduating from college in 2013 though, and once she educated herself on autosexuality, she was glad there was a word for her experience. Vitale went on to get engaged to herself and is planning on marrying herself. She is now the most famous autosexual in the world.
Fun fact: there is a Japanese company that offers self-marriage packages for single women and divorced ladies who are unhappy with their previous marriages, and this service is getting increasingly popular.
Myths about autosexuality debunked
Myth #1: Autosexuals are mere narcissists.
Autosexuality is not narcissism. Autosexual people just really appreciate, admire, and love themselves, including their bodies (even if the latter do not exactly meet the traditional beauty standards).
Myth #2: Autosexuality is a mental disorder.
There is nothing pathological about autosexuality. It is a sexuality that, just like any other sexual orientation, deserves understanding and respect.
Myth #3: People who identify as autosexual never ever have sexual relationships with others.
It is only partially true. Autosexuals who are attracted exclusively to themselves may actually never engage in sexual activities with other people, while autosexual individuals who are mainly attracted to themselves but may also be attracted to others can be sexually and/or romantically involved with one or more partners.
Importance of coming out
If you think the environment you live and work in is safe enough for you to come out as autosexual, here are some tips that might be helpful on your coming out journey:
- Choose a supportive person to be the first individual you come out to;
- Be prepared that some people may initially react in a negative way - probably, most of them just need time to come to terms with the news that you are an autosexual;
- If you are worried that some of your family members, friends, coworkers may react negatively or do not feel confident enough to talk to them in person, there is another way to come out - via text, email, or a written letter;
- Use all the resources available to you to get support if you need it - read celebrities coming out stories, call an LGBTQIA+ hotline, or talk to a therapist.
Helping your friends and family understand autosexuality
Autosexual is a relatively new identity and, unfortunately, it is not commonly used and understood yet, even within the LGBTQIA+ community. And being an autosexual can feel lonely because there is no visible autosexual community online yet.
Many people out there for personal or religious reasons still disapprove of autosexuality. In fact, masturbation, commonly practiced by autosexuals, is regarded as a sin by Christianity, Islam, and some other religions.
That is why it is crucial to spread awareness about autosexuality, particularly when you come out to your family and friends. You should explain to them that there is nothing wrong with autosexuality. Actually, it is quite the opposite - loving one’s own body is beautiful. Giving ourselves permission to be attracted to our bodies and feel arousal in response to them can nurture nothing but a positive self-concept.