What is cupiosexuality?
In some cases, people who experience sexual attraction at times but want to have a sexual relationship even without being sexually attracted to someone also identify as cupiosexuals. They can identify as demisexual or gray asexual, at the same time.
Here is the list of related sexual identities:
- Demisexual - a sexual orientation where an individual does not feel sexual attraction until they have built a very deep emotional connection with the person they date;
- Gray asexual - an orientation where an individual can only experience sexual attraction at times;
- Fraysexual - a sexual orientation in which a person is only able to experience sexual attraction towards someone they are not emotionally connected with.
The opposite of cupiosexual is orchidsexual - a sexual identity where a person is able to experience sexual attraction but does not desire to have sexual encounters or relationships.
It was the Tumblr user acelyssie who came up with the term kalossexual in 2014. It is unknown when and due to what reasons it has changed to cupiosexual (from Latin cupio - "to desire" + sexual).
Cupiosexual flag
There are several cupiosexual flags.
The most popular one was created in 2015 by an anonymous individual. The flag has four horizontal stripes of equal width. The colors, from top to bottom, are the following: pastel grey, pastel lilac, white, pastel pink. The meaning of the flag is unknown.
An alternate cupiosexual flag:
Importance of coming out
The coming out process - disclosing one’s sexual and/or gender identity to others - can be scary and challenging. But it is also an affirming and often life-saving experience. Multiple research has shown that people who have come out to their loved ones, family, friends, coworkers are more likely to live happier and healthier lives. Those who have chosen to stay in the closet instead are more stressed, anxious, prone to mood swings, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts.
Obviously, safety comes first. So nobody should ever come out if they feel they are in physical danger. But if the environment you live and work in is safe and you are planning on coming out as a cupiosexual, here are some tips that might help you on your journey:
- Consider telling one trusted person first, and then gradually come out to other people;
- Think carefully about what you want to say, how, and when - there is no right or wrong way and time to come out, it is your story and you should be the only one creating it;
- It is probably not a good idea to come out at big family occasions like birthdays or weddings - you probably will not get an opportunity to talk about yourself and how you feel properly;
- Write an email, a letter, or send a text saying that you have identified as a cupiosexual if you do not feel confident enough to tell everyone in person.
Helping your friends and family understand cupiosexuality
So, you have realized that you are a cupiosexual and have come out to some important people in your life. Now what?
Since cupiosexual is not a very common sexual identity, your coming out might have to be an extended process that happens over months or even years rather than just a single conversation. You will have to explain to your family, loved ones, and friends what cupiosexuality is about because they are probably confused by this term.
For them to understand you and your identity better, you should definitely recommend some websites, YouTube channels, books to them, so they will educate themselves on cupiosexuality. They will stop believing unfounded myths and stereotypes about cupiosexual people, realize that individuals like you still face many challenges like judgment, bias, discrimination. Very likely, the people who you care about and who care about you will decide to support you and be your allies. So that your relationships with them can actually get stronger, and the connections, closer.