What is aegosexuality?
Aegosexual individuals may:
- Get aroused by adult content but lack enthusiasm for a real-life sexual relationship;
- Masturbate but be indifferent to or repulsed by the idea of engaging in sexual activities with another person;
- Fantasize about having sex, but idealized kind of sex that has nothing to do with reality since adding realistic elements to those fantasies would make the idea of engaging in sexual activity less appealing or, in some cases, repulsive;
- Have sexual fantasies, but without being involved because they perceive themselves as disembodied observers viewing it from a third-person perspective;
- Fantasize about having sex, but envisioning people like celebrities or someone they know in real life, like classmates, coworkers, or friends;
- Perceive some people as sexually attractive, but not want to have sex with them, preferring to just keep fantasizing about them;
- Fantasize about having sex, but only imagine themselves and no one else;
- Be into fetishes, but never try to have this kind of sexual experience in real life.
In other words, to most aegosexuals, the idea of sex may be actually arousing; however, having sexual intercourse itself is a turn-off to them. They could be compared to individuals who enjoy watching sports but have absolutely no desire to participate in sports games.
Aegosexual flag
The aegosexual flag is very similar to the asexual flag, with the only difference being that the aegosexual one has a reverse triangle with inverted order of the flag’s colors on it:
Because aegosexuals are very likely to be perceived as people able to experience sexual attraction, the triangle represents a "reverse" of being asexual. The meaning of the colors is the same as that of the asexual flag. The only extra meaning added to the gray stripe - the in-between of sexual arousal.
The date of the creation of the flag and its author are unknown.
History
The term autochorissexual (from Greek words auto ("self") and choris ("separate from") + sexual, meaning "sexuality separate from the self") was proposed in 2012 by the Canadian psychologist specializing in human sexuality Dr. A. Bogaert. He classified it as a psychological disorder though. Obviously, controversy erupted over this term. Some people reclaimed the word, while others chose to identify with another label - aegosexual, which was coined by the Tumblr user Sugar-And-Spite in 2014.
This new term has almost the same meaning as autochorissexual, but it derives from Latin roots (an ("without") + ego ("self") = aego or anego - "without self" + sexual, meaning "sexual without self"), which also makes the word easier to pronounce.
Why it is important to come out
Coming out of the closet is a process that is unique for everyone. There is no one right way to come out as aegosexual - you can do it on your own terms in whatever way you are most comfortable with. And always remember that you do not have to come out at all.
Only if and when you feel safe enough to share your sexual orientation with the world, go with it. Although numerous research has revealed that aegosexual individuals who have come out are much happier and less stressed than the closeted ones, safety comes first. So only if you are sure it is not risky or dangerous for you to come out as aegosexual, here are some tips for you on how to do it successfully:
- You do not have to come out to everyone in your life at once - it is way better if you tell just one trusted person first;
- Know that some people may react negatively - most of them, probably, just need more time than others to come to terms with your news;
- Sending a text, an email, or a written letter to some people can be a great option if you are not confident enough to tell them in person;
- Get all the support you need by calling an LGBTQIA+ hotline or talking to a counselor.
Helping your friends and loved ones understand aegosexuality
For some of the people you are going to come out to, it will take time to learn and accept who you are. You need to understand that it is okay if they are not immediately supportive since the beginning - they are just confused because of the lack of knowledge.
You can help them accelerate the process of understanding and acceptance by giving them a list of all available resources where they can educate themselves on the subject of aegosexuality. These resources may include books, websites, blogs, YouTube channels, Facebook groups.
Reading information about aegosexuals will help them better understand not only your sexual orientation but also the impact of prejudice and discrimination all individuals who identify as aegosexuals have to face.