What is pomosexuality?
The reasons why a person perceives themselves as pomosexual may be the following:
- They find that "normal" ways of describing a sexual attraction ("I like to passionately kiss X" or "I feel very attracted to X") cannot be applied to the way they self-identify, or they just do not desire to describe their sexual orientation;
- They feel like the current vocabulary within the LGBTQIA+ community cannot accurately describe their inner feeling of sexual orientation.
Pomosexuality can be a sexual identity by itself; however, it is also used as an umbrella term. The most significant sexualities under this umbrella are:
- Comsexual - a sexual identity where an individual experiences sexual attraction; essentially, it is the opposite of asexual;
- Novisexual - a sexuality where a person feels a lack of sexual attraction or experiences a complicated attraction which is extremely difficult to be described by one term;
- Omniacepomo is when an individual is on the ace spectrum but is not quite sure where exactly and has no gender preference; it is a combination of three words: omnisexual/pansexual, asexual, pomosexual;
- Cryptosexual - a sexual identity where an individual is puzzled by their sexual orientation, and it cannot be defined or described with the current English vocabulary.
Pomosexual pride flag
There are several pomosexual flags. The first and the most commonly used one was created in 2016 by the Tumblr user pride-color-schemes. It consists of seven horizontal stripes. The colors, from top to bottom, are as follows: pink, light pink, white, light purple, white, light pink, pink:
The date of the creation of the second pomosexual flag, or, as its creator describes it, a flag for the for pomo- prefix, is unknown. The author is, again, pride-color-schemes. It consists of three horizontal stripes of equal width with an overlaid 4 pointed white star. The colors of the stripes are the following: pink, light pink, pink:
The exact meanings of the colors of these flags are unknown.
History
The word pomosexual was created in 1997 by Lawrence Schimel and Carol Queen. The term is a combination of two words: pomo-, which is short for postmodern + sexual. These authors mentioned this term for the first time in their book Pomosexuals: Challenging Assumptions about Gender and Sexuality which was published in the same year.
In the book, pomosexuality is compared to the postmodernism art movement. According to the authors, the beauty of postmodernism (pomosexuality) can be appreciated only when looking at its roots in modernism (the LGBTQ+ community), and the "neatly organized" sexual orientations within the LGBTQ+ community might be suitable for some, but not all people.
Why it is important to come out
Coming out as pomosexual is a personal and unique experience. Some people come out at a very young age; others do it when they are in their 30s or even 40s. Some tell everybody as soon as they have come to terms with their own sexual identity; others prefer to stay closeted for years. You should know though that recent research shows that those pomosexuals who have chosen to stay in the closet suffer more depression and have higher levels of stress than those who have come out and “lived happily ever after“.
Telling someone you are close to (especially older family members) that you have identified as pomosexual can be the most challenging part of coming out. You never know whether a specific family member or friend will be supportive or will take your news negatively. That is why we suggest you follow our tips that will help you have all your bases covered:
- Safety first - make sure you do not live or work in a hostile and LGBTQIA+ unwelcoming environment, and then plan your coming out;
- Be prepared for bad reactions and at the same time never give negative and hostile people the power to affect your happiness and well-being;
- Read stories about celebrities coming out stories - it will help you gain confidence and boost your self-esteem before coming out as pomosexual;
- Search for an online local LGBTQIA+ community center and join it - the more support you have, the better.
Helping your friends, family, loved ones understand pomosexuality
As you come out to more and more new people, you realize these people often ask questions. Not everyone is familiar with the LGBTQIA+ terminology. You should be ready for questions like: “What does this mean?“ “Are you sure?“, and appreciate it if somebody asks you: “How can I support you?“. Some people still hold stereotypes about pomosexuals and LGBTQIA+ in general; others have never heard about it in the first place. It is good to be prepared to provide some definitions and explanations so that most individuals can understand what this means for you. There are also hundreds of websites that offer information about pomosexuality, so one thing you can do is provide your friends, family, loved ones, or coworkers with a list of resources where interested people can learn more about this sexual orientation. Caring and accepting people who want to show their support will do their best to educate themselves on pomosexuality.