Graysexual

What is graysexuality?

Graysexual (also spelled greysexual) or gray asexual (often shortened to gray ace, gray-a, or grace) is an orientation on the asexual spectrum. The term describes individuals who relate to asexuality yet experience the sexual attraction with extremely low intensity or very rarely. Many graysexual people find asexuality to be a useful concept that helps them understanding their sexuality.

There are various ways to be graysexual. For instance, an individual who identifies as gray ace may experience:

• Uncertainty about whether they feel sexual attraction;
• Attraction that may or may not be considered sexual;
• Sexual attraction only under specific circumstances;
• Sexual attraction without wanting to have a sexual relationship;
• Alienation from sexual attraction.

Some people can identify exclusively as graysexual while others may also perceive themselves as having other sexual orientations at the same time. For example, a person can be both graysexual and gynesexual which means that when they do experience sexual attraction it is towards female anatomy, women, or individuals with feminine gender presentation.

There is a misconception that graysexual people simply have a low libido. But remember that sexual attraction and sex drive are not the same. Some of the graysexual individuals may actually have a high libido; what they lack is sexual attraction to desire a sexual relationship with someone.

Note that graysexual people may have very different attitudes towards sex. Individuals who identify as graysexuals may be:

• Sex-favorable - to desire and enjoy sexual activity, even though not very frequently;
• Sex-neutral (or sex-indifferent) - to have no strong feelings about sex;
• Sex-repulsed - to dislike sex and have a negative reaction to things of sexual nature.

Unlike demisexuals, graysexual people do not need to feel an emotional bond to experience sexual attraction. Even though graysexuals feel it rarely, this attraction is as likely to result in a sexual encounter with a random person as with a long-time partner.

Some graysexuals engage in sexual self-pleasure and others do not.

Graysexual pride flag

There are several graysexual flag designs. The first and the most popular graysexual pride flag was created in 2013 by Milith Rusignuolo. It consists of five horizontal stripes of equal width. Their colors, from top to bottom, are the following: purple, gray, white, gray, purple. The purple color symbolizes asexuality; the gray, white, and again gray stand for those unfrequent episodes of sexual attraction graysexual people experience.

History

The concept of graysexuality emerged at the turn of the new millennium on the AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) forums. In 2003, a member of that internet community proposed the term "semisexuality". In 2006, the user KSpaz identified as "gray-a" and proposed this term to describe individuals who are somewhere in between "asexual" and "allosexual" (or simply "sexual").

Why coming out is important

Coming out is a private affair, even if it involves public disclosure of your graysexual identity. The coming out process is not always easy. The first step involves coming to terms with your sexuality. The next one is making the decision whether to stay in the closet or come out. There are many things to consider. Safety comes first, so if you live or work in an unsafe environment, it is probably wiser not to come out until you are in a safer place and with more accepting people around you.

But if you know most people in your life are supportive, you should know that numerous studies revealed that graysexual people who have come out of the closet are less burnt out, anxious, and/or depressed than those who chose not to disclose their sexual identity.

So stop hesitating!

Here are some tips that may help you on your coming out journey:

• Make sure the first person you come out to is someone you trust blindly; that individual can also support you as you eventually come out as graysexual to other people;
• Plan what exactly you are going to say and how; you might try writing all your thoughts down and then practice your speech out loud;
• For people to believe in you, you must believe in yourself - build your self-confidence first and be proud of yourself and your sexual identity;
• Avoid coming out during an argument with someone - your goal is to have a positive experience so being in a great mood is a must for a successful coming out!

Helping your friends and loved ones understand graysexuality

Whenever you come out to someone, be prepared for some of these people to ask questions. Because we live in a world where many individuals have no idea that non-straight orientations even exist. So it is your task to explain to important people in your life what graysexuality is all about and share some useful resources with them like websites, blogs, books where they can learn the correct language and terminology. Rest assured that even if your friends, family, or partners knew nothing about graysexuality before you came out to them as graysexual, many of them will do everything they can to educate themselves on the subject and support someone they love.