Gender-variant

Gender-variant

Gender-variant (also gender-nonconforming, gender-atypical, or gender-diverse) is a person whose manifestation of the gender doesn’t fit into the socially accepted performance of gender stereotypes.
It means that gender-variant identity overcomes the limiting gender binary concept that establishes that there are only two possible genders (female and male). Being gender-variant may include the way individuals behave and present themselves.

Many gender-nonconforming individuals choose a gender expression that is very different from the one expected by society. Some gender-variant men may wear dresses and/or makeup, while some others modify men’s clothing to express themselves the right way.

Some gender-variant men also express atypical gender roles, such as, for example, staying at home and raising children full time, while their female partner goes to work. They are often referred to as stay-at-home dads or househusbands.

The basics

It is unknown who coined the terms gender variance and gender-variant. These terms are widely used nowadays in anthropology, psychology, psychiatry, gender studies.

The term gender-variant is very broad. Gender-variant individuals may be non-binary, transsexual, travesti, transgender, genderqueer, or even cisgender. What they have in common is that all of them are variant in their gender identities. For example, a transgender person may be perceived, or identify themselves as, gender-variant before they transition medically.

But they stop being perceived as such after sex reassignment surgery. Transgender people who are gender-variant after transition are at greater risks of facing transphobic discrimination.

Note that not all gender-variant people self-identify as transgender, just like not all transgender individuals perceive themselves as gender-variant. A large number of them self-identify as female or male.
Some intersex individuals may also be gender-variant.

Children may express the incongruence between their sex assigned at birth and the way they perceive their gender identity. Patterns of gender-variant behavior are normally first noticed as early as at the age of two. Boys may show an interest in girls’ toys and vice versa. According to one of the numerous studies conducted, childhood gender variance is heritable.

Gender-variant adolescents may not conform later in life. In fact, according to multiple studies, there is a correlation between children who express gender variance and these children already as adults, eventually self-identifying and coming out as transgender, and/or discovering that they are homosexual.

Gender-variant people may experience gender dysphoria.

Here you can take a free Gender Dysphoria Test

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Gender-variant and sexual orientation 

Some people think that gender identity and sexual orientation are the same things. It’s a misconception. Gender is completely separate from sexual orientation.

Gender identity is how a person perceives themselves. It may or may not match their sex assigned at birth. Sexual orientation is who an individual is interested in dating/having a romantic relationship with and being intimate with.

Gender-variant people, just like people of other genders, could be romantically and sexually attracted to people of any gender identity, or be asexual (not sexually attracted to anyone and not interested in sexual contacts at all).

What pronouns should be used?

Some gender-variant people may prefer the commonly used by the majority of non-binary people “they/them/theirs” set of pronouns, some others may use neopronouns, such as “ey/em/eir” (pronounced “ay/em/airs”), “ze/hir/hirs” (pronounced “zee/here/heres”), etc. Ask your gender-variant friends or coworkers to share their preferred pronouns with you and show them your respect by always using the pronouns they asked you to use.

Coming out as gender-variant

There is no right or wrong way to come out. It all depends on you, and your coming-out story only belongs to you. 
If you’ve been hiding your gender identity for a long time, you might feel like you’re hiding the truth from the people around you and thus lying to them. But don’t blame yourself - it was the society that forced you to keep this secret out of fear for your safety.

If you have self-identified as gender-variant and you’re considering or planning on coming out, here are some more tips for you: 

• First of all, make sure you are in a safe space, both physically and emotionally;
• Start by telling just one person - someone you know and trust;
• Don’t pressure yourself and don’t allow anybody to pressure you into coming out - do it when you want and the way you want;
• No matter how you do it or how the people in your life react, remember: you are worthy and there is always someone there to talk to if you need help - be it a friend or a person on the phone when you call an LGBTQIA+ hotline.

How can I support my gender-variant friends, relatives, coworkers?

Every day, many people around the world get up and face discrimination due to their gender identity. All of us probably have suffered this in different ways - from someone not taking you seriously because you have green hair and tattoos to gender-based hate speech or even crimes. But it’s time to put an end to this.

All humans, including gender-variant people, have the right to be protected from discrimination, bullying, and violence. The first step to fighting discrimination is to not tolerate it! It is a small step, but it’s important. Here is how you can support gender-variant people you know and care about:

• Clear your head first - confront your own prejudices and biases if you have any: this includes learning about the gender variance;
• Be a good listener and show your gender-variant interlocutor you are ready to be there for them in every way possible;
• If someone makes a derogatory and offensive joke about gender-variant people, let this individual know you don’t appreciate it, and try to explain to them everybody deserves respect;
• Treat your gender-variant friend like a friend, include them in your social group, and remember - their gender identity/expression is just a difference, not a “problem”!