Graygender
They feel like they have a gender/genders and like they are inclined or want to express this gender or multiple genders. However, this desire is not strong enough, not persistent, but quite indeterminate instead.
Some graygender individuals may feel that their gender identity is close to agender.
Graygender is not a very common gender identity.
The basics and some interesting facts
The Tumblr user invernom was the one who coined the term "graygender" in 2014. According to them, graygender individuals feel like they experience gender, but they naturally invest in it less and they are less motivated to participate in it compared to most humans.
A popular YouTuber Ash Hardell, who produces LGBTQ+ related content, created a video in 2016 called "What is Greygender?". The video featured Ash’s wife Grayson, who is graygender.
In 2019, the LGBT Sentinel website described graygender identity in their article "The Gender Identification Flags You Should Know About For Pride Season!" as "a long-term vacation away from gender".
According to the 2020 Gender Census run by an agender person named Cassian, 55 people (0.22% of respondents) self-identify as graygender.
Flag
There are several graygender flags. The most popular one was created in 2015. It consists of five horizontal stripes.
Their colors, from top to bottom, are the following: light gray, white, deep blue, white, gray. The two shades of the gray color symbolize the graygender identity spectrum of experience (since different graygender people may feel gender to different degrees). The white color stands for the purity of graygender individuals and their experiences.
Even if they feel genderless stronger than most people, it doesn’t make their gender identity invalid. And the deep blue color symbolizes graygender as an experience and identity. It’s like ocean water. It may seem calm but it’s constantly in motion, and because it’s darker deep below the surface it’s not easy to figure out what’s going on there. And that’s exactly what makes it mysterious and amazing.
Graygender and sexual orientation
Gender identity is an individual’s persistent inner sense of belonging to a specific gender (or multiple genders), regardless of their sex assigned at birth. Sexual orientation refers to those to whom a person is sexually, romantically, and/or emotionally attracted. Graydender people, just like individuals of any other gender identity, can be sexually attracted to women, men, or they may experience attraction to members of any other identity.
What pronouns should I use when talking to a graygender?
Many graygender people use the “they/them/theirs” set of pronouns while others prefer gender-neutral neopronouns, such as “xe/xem/xyr”, “ze/zir/zirs”, “ver/vis/vis”, etc. Just ask the graygender person you’re having a conversation with what their preferred pronouns are, and you will avoid awkward situations.
Coming out as graygender
Coming out as graygender is not a single event but a life-long process. Graygender individuals who decide to be open about their gender identity tend to do so over time. As they gain more and more courage, experience, and support, they become more comfortable disclosing their identity to a wider network of people.
If you or someone you know are a graygender and are ready to come out, here are some tips on how to make this process easier:
- Take your time to decide when and how you want to come out;
- Start with one person you really trust and feel most comfortable with;
- Know that there will surely be people in your life who will react positively to your news, but there may be others who won’t - they either need time or they will never accept your gender identity, and it’s ok, don’t take it personally;
- If you feel that you’re in crisis, consider hiring a therapist specialized in LGBTQIA+ issues.
How can I support my graygender friends, coworkers, or family?
Despite the progress in the field of LGBTQIA+ rights made in recent years, a large number of graygender people worldwide still often face bullying, hate speech and/or crimes, and other kinds of hostility because of their gender identity.
Many graygender individuals suffer from healthcare, social care, and employment discrimination. So a long road to equality remains ahead.
Remember that any violation of graygender people’s rights is a violation of human rights.
Let’s work together for a world where all people can enjoy their basic rights fully! Here’s how you can do your part to support your graygender friends:
- Listen to them with respect and empathy, let them express how they are feeling, what their experience is like;
- Learn more about graygender issues from graygender people but also from other sources - do your own homework and research;
- If you are a binary person, be aware of the important role you can play as an ally - remember that the way you talk about graygender individuals(for example, using their preferred pronouns) influences how others perceive them;
- Attend LGBTQIA+ events and show your support by donating to organizations working to improve graygender people’s lives.