Intergender definition
The term "intergender" may mean:
- A non-binary gender identity per se, defined by intersexuality;
- A description of gender identities used by intersex people, no matter what gender they are (male, female, neutrois, androgyne, etc.);
Even though many intergender people are non-binary, they can also be genderqueer or transgender. Some intergender individuals may identify as one of the binary genders (male or female), something in between, or a mixture of the two.
In some cases, cisgender intersex people perceive themselves as intergender, if this label makes sense to them.
The most accepted definition of intergender today is that of a gender influenced or defined by being intersex.
Some intergender people don’t see the need for a particular kind of gender expression, because to them, it is purely a matter of gender identity. Other intergender individuals choose the androgynous gender expression.
The basics and some history
Different people at different times came up with the term "intergender".
In 1998, Donna Lynn Matthews, an intergender but non-intersex individual, created a website to write about intergender identity. According to Matthews, intergender individuals do not identify themselves as male or female, but somewhere in between, having a mixture of both masculine and feminine qualities.
In the 1990s, intergender was also used as a non-binary and transgender umbrella term.
According to a 2010 encyclopedia, intergender was one of the androgyne gender identities (along with bigender, ambigender, agender, genderfluid, and pangender).
Little is known about whether or not user A of Actually Intersex blog was aware of this when they created a new definition for "intergender" in 2014. According to A, this gender identity is defined by being intersex. In their opinion, it would be incorrect for people to use the "intersex" term to describe a gender identity, but they found out that many intersex people actually do. Therefore, A suggested that these people used the term "intergender".
Many dyadic people started describing themselves as intergender too, using the 1998 definition. A large number of users have made efforts to spread their opinion that intergender is an identity that only intersex people could use. Some websites ended up posting the original definition ("a gender between male and female") with an additional warning that this identity is only to be used by intersex people.
Because of this confusion, the Tumblr user autisticmegumin coined the term "integender" in 2020. Integender is a term that describes someone whose gender identity is linked to being intersex. This term is free from any influence of definitions according to which intergender is a term used to describe a gender between male and female.
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Intergender and sexual orientation
Gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things. Gender identity refers to an individual’s internal sense of gender - for instance, their knowledge that they are a female, a male, an intergender, etc.
As for sexual orientation, it has to do with whom a person is sexually and/or romantically attracted to. Just like people of any other gender identity, intergender individuals can be attracted to anyone, thus, they can have any sexual orientation. For example, an intergender person may be attracted to women, men, transgender people, etc.
What pronouns should be used?
There are many gender-inclusive pronouns that are widely used among intergender individuals and other non-binary people. The most common ones are "they, them, their", "ze, zir, zirs", "ey, em, eir".
A small percentage of intergender people may use gendered sets of pronouns ("he, him, his" and "she, her, hers"), but to the majority of intergender individuals, such pronouns probably sound disrespectful and hurtful. That’s why avoid misunderstandings, it is best to ask your intergender interlocutor what their preferred pronouns are.
Coming out as intergender
Everyone's coming out experience is unique. It can be challenging, so remember that you don’t have to come out at all. Intergender individuals risk prejudice, social stigma, harassment when they tell other people who they really are. Parents, friends, coworkers, or classmates may accept it or they might not.
But you should also remember that living a double life can cause damage to your psyche. So despite all risks, coming out as intergender and living a life that feels truly authentic, can be a liberating and life-affirming decision. Here are some coming out tips for you:
- There are no rules to coming out as intergender - you and you decide if, when, how to come out (you may come out to one person first or everyone at once, you may do it in oral or written form), just choose whatever you’re comfortable with;
- Usually, it gets better over time - even if someone reacts negatively, at the end they will most likely accept your gender identity, so be confident and positive;
- Prepare yourself for questions, know that the people you came out to may ask questions - they probably have never even heard the word "intergender";
- If you’re in a critical situation you can always seek advice and support from LGBTQIA+ organizations.
How can I support my intergender acquaintances, friends, or family?
Even in today’s world, despite all the progress mankind has made, many intergender individuals still face bias, bullying, discrimination because of their gender identity.
But each one of us can and must be more supportive of intergender people. If we want equality for ourselves we should also be willing to give it to others.
Here’s how you can show your support to your intergender friends:
- Read a glossary of terms and familiarize yourself on the right language to use when talking to intergender individuals;
- Take action whenever you come across hateful language or discrimination against intergender people;
- Become a real ally - find out what challenges intergender individuals face and join online or offline intergender events to show your solidarity and support;
- Donate to LGBTQIA+ organizations - even a small amount of money can make a huge difference.