Boi gender identity
The most important ones are used to describe the following:
- Lesbian women with boyish looks, in other words, a masculine gender presentation;
- Submissive butches (the word "boi" in this sense is used mostly in the lesbian BDSM community); sometimes also used as an endearing term for butches by femmes;
- Young gay or bisexual people who have feminine behavior, mannerisms, style (used in the gay community);
- Young transgender men, in particular, those who are in the early stage of transitioning; many transgender bois also identify as non-binary or genderqueer.
Boi may also be used for any individual who wants to distinguish from heterosexual/heteronormative identities. This term may also be used to describe an AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth) person who does not identify or only partially identifies as a girl/woman/female/feminine.
For example, intersex people can be bois, too. Some bois also identify as queer or dykes (a term similar to butch used in the lesbian community).
The basics and some history
The origin of the term boi is unclear. It is known that in the Suffolk dialect of the English language, the word boi is often used as a term similar to the British word mate for male friends. It probably originates from there.
The American rapper Big Boi made this term popular in the early 2000s when he and his songs became famous. The Canadian singer Avril Lavigne contributed to its spread with her 2002 song Sk8er Boi, too. In the meme culture, the term boi became popular thanks to the 2016 Dat Boi meme.
There is an opinion that any young person who looks and acts like a straight man who matches stereotypes about how males perceive casual sex and committed relationships, can be called a boi.
Boi and sexual orientation
Gender identity is a personal conception of one’s gender. Gender expression, is an individual's behavior, mannerisms, and appearance. Sexual orientation is an enduring pattern of romantic/emotional/sexual attraction to people of other genders or the same gender (or none).
What pronouns should be used when talking to a boi?
Different people who identify as bois go by different pronouns. Because most of them have a masculine gender expression, it is only logical that some of them use he/him/his set of pronouns. Some others may use the gender-neutral they/them/theirs pronouns or gender-inclusive neopronouns, such as ey/em/eir, ve/ver/vis, xe/xem/xir, tey/ter/tem, etc.
The best way to know what your boi interlocutor’s preferred pronouns are is to ask them. However, if you are anxious about asking for pronouns, share your own: “Hello, my name is John and I use he, him, his pronouns”. There is a good chance that the boi you are talking to will share theirs back.
Coming out as boi
Coming out is the process of sharing one’s gender identity/gender presentation/sexual orientation with the world. Some people who identified as bois struggle with sharing their identity with others due to it being a sensitive topic.
Always remember that you do not have to come out. Nobody should ever feel pressured to do that. However, a large number of bois who came out to their families and friends report feeling much happier compared to when they were hiding their identity, even though it was a complex process.
If you are planning to come out as a boi, here are some tips on how to get ready for it and do it successfully:
- Read notable people coming out stories - it is a great way to be prepared for different scenarios that may occur when you come out;
- Confide in your best friend first - you need to be able to trust this person blindly, and they need to be able to keep your identity secret until you are ready to tell the rest of the world;
- Hope for the best and prepare for the worst - accept the fact that there will be people who will react positively to your news, but there will also be other people who will judge you because of your gender identity and/or sexual orientation, whether it be your parents, coworkers, or neighbors;
- Talk to other LGBTQIA+ individuals - the community is always there to help its members who need support, so do not hesitate to reach out if you feel like you are in crisis.
What is the best way to support my boi friends, family?
Undoubtedly, over the last decades, we have seen striking progress concerning LGBTQIA+ rights in the West, while underdeveloped parts of the world are lagging behind. But even in civilized countries, many bois still experience harassment and discrimination from individuals who have negative beliefs and prejudice against gender identities outside the binary and/or same-sex attraction. In fact, according to a recent study, 59% of LGBTQIA+ youth in the USA feel lonely and socially isolated.
Here is how you can be an ally for your friends, coworkers, or family who identify as boi:
- Be a good listener, show empathy and zero judgment, think twice before you say something to avoid hurting them;
- Interrupt homophobic and queerphobic name-calling, derogatory language, bullying whenever you encounter it;
- Go to LGBTQIA+ events that mean a lot to your boi family, friends, or coworkers;
- Try to make the world a better place for your boi friends - learn about issues LGBTQIA+ people face and do whatever it takes to help them solve those problems, for example by donating to LGBTQIA+ organizations, supporting businesses, or other initiatives owned or operated by bois or other LGBTQIA+ individuals.